Damar Hamlin wants to be remembered for more than coming back from the brink of death.
On Sunday, the Buffalo Bills safety started a game for the first time since he suffered a life-threatening cardiac arrest on the field on Jan. 2, 2023. But that's not where he wants the narrative to peak.
"I don't want to be just known as the player who lived," Hamlin told me on the phone Tuesday night. "My story is my story. It's still being written. But I want to be known for my abilities as well. I've always had big goals on and off the field. I have so much more that I want to accomplish."
Hamlin said the triggers and PTSD symptoms that crowded his mind throughout the 2023 season are largely gone. He's back to being himself as a player, for the most part, going full speed, without hesitation, on a mission to help the Bills win their fifth straight AFC East title.
And he's taken a monumental step in his long, tough journey to redefine himself.
"People move on with their life and they think about it when they see me," he said. "I can't move on. It's a part of me. I do still have flashbacks sometimes. And within my day-to-day, I definitely think about it. I've learned to appreciate those moments in my life.
"But when I play a game now, those three hours, I'm only thinking about football."
I spoke with Hamlin multiple times over the course of his recovery. As he recapped that excruciatingly traumatizing moment of his life and the 21 months that have followed, joy somehow seemed to seep through his words. He told stories of how his parents, Nina and Mario, built a household on giving and gratitude despite not having much financially. It's why that night in Cincinnati changed him, but didn't break him.
It was a key game, with Hamlin's Bills traveling to play the Cincinnati Bengals on Monday Night Football in Week 17 of the 2022 season. The AFC's No. 1 playoff seed was on the line. Hamlin, a starting safety in his second pro season at the time, tackled Bengals receiver Tee Higgins after a first-quarter reception. Hamlin stood up for two seconds, then collapsed onto the field. Bills training staff quickly recognized he had an abnormal heart rhythm; CPR was started, and he was rapidly defibrillated. He did not have a pulse for a short period of time before being resuscitated.
The medical term for what happened is that he suffered cardiac arrest, followed by return of spontaneous circulation. Hamlin has his own simple way to explain it:
"I died on national TV in front of the whole world."
There was a week of uncertainty as to whether Damar would live, if he could have a normal life and if he could eventually play the game he loved again.
To Hamlin, it wasn't a question -- within days of regaining his mental faculties and the ability to speak, he decided to return to football. That was not easy for those around him who spent days prayerfully waiting for his recovery in the hospital, particularly his parents.
Now, though, they simply beam with joy at the inspiration their son has become, for them and for millions more across the world.
"I watch him now the same way I did in little league football. We don't live in fear," Mario Hamlin, Damar's father, told me on Monday. "Can't disrespect the blessing. Some morals people stand on. This is one of them. His preparation and work to get back earned him this moment of glory."
In April 2023, Hamlin was cleared for all football activities. He made the Bills’ roster that year primarily as a special teams player, battling mentally to clear hurdles.
Then, this past spring, Hamlin told Bills general manager Brandon Beane that, despite the competition Beane had brought in at the safety position -- notably, second-round pick Cole Bishop and sixth-year pro Mike Edwards -- he would win a starting job. No hesitation, zero doubt. Bishop and Edwards were sidelined by injuries. Hamlin, meanwhile, proceeded to earn the Bills' trust with the best training camp of his pro career, developing good chemistry with fellow starter Taylor Rapp.
On Sept. 4, 611 days after he nearly died and was resuscitated on that field in Cincinnati, Hamlin was named a starting safety again by Bills head coach Sean McDermott. He played all 61 defensive snaps in the Bills' Week 1 comeback win over the Cardinals, notching four tackles and allowing only one catch for 7 yards as the nearest defender. He was involved in the final deep pass breakup that sealed the win.
"What else can't this young man do? What an accomplishment," McDermott said after Hamlin was named a starter. "We're just extremely proud and full of gratitude to watch him go through what he's gone through and where he is now."
As the Bills prepare to play the speedy Miami Dolphins in a prime-time setting Thursday night, Hamlin knows his story will be revisited in front of the world. He told me he's heard social media trolls who question his playing ability or mockingly call him a clone. He said he often fights the urge to snap back at them and decides instead to soak in the outpouring of love he's received from so many more.
"I hope people understand, I come from nothing. So when you see me receive blessings, please clap your hands," Hamlin told me. "I've beaten statistics since I was a kid. I was not supposed to be here before the cardiac arrest. It's all hard work."
'We just wanted our kid'
Eventually, the cause of Hamlin's cardiac arrest was determined to be commotio cordis -- described by Dr. Timothy Pritts, vice chair of surgery and section chief of general surgery at UC Health, as "essentially a lightning strike."
"It's a blow to the chest at just the right amount of energy at the right part of the cardiac cycle to cause your heart to go out of rhythm," Pritts, who was part of the team that treated Hamlin in the hospital, explained to me last week. "Unfortunately, in many sporting cases, without rapid action, it's lethal."
UC Health emergency physician Dr. B. Woods Curry, who also cared for Hamlin on the field and later in the hospital in Cincinnati, told me last week he was pretty sure within the first 24 hours of Hamlin's hospitalization that Hamlin would survive. The remaining question was what kind of life that he would be able to live.
Beane, who spent time with Hamlin in the hospital that week, told me it often didn't look great. Hamlin's parents remained "steadfast," in Beane's words, knowing if he was able, he would want to play football, but there was significant worry.
"The initial thought as a parent was, we didn't give a damn about football, we just wanted our kid," Mario Hamlin told me.
After one week at UC Medical Center, including time in the ICU, Hamlin was released from the hospital to continue treatment at a hospital in Buffalo. Two days later, he was back home. In total, over 150 medical professionals cared for him in those 10 days. Hamlin regularly refers to that group -- including Pritts, Curry and Bills assistant athletic trainer Denny Kellington, who administered quick on-field CPR -- as his "heroes."
Touching the hot stove again
Beane said the Bills spent weeks in spring 2023 trying to find any medical specialist that wouldn't clear Hamlin's return. They wanted to make sure they left no stone unturned. He called Hamlin's dad a few times to confirm his parents were OK with his plan, too.
Beane said all five specialists the team consulted cleared Hamlin to play with a similar response: He's at no greater risk than any other player.
So Hamlin began taking what he called "baby steps" in his journey. Working out with teammates. Putting his mouthpiece back in. Putting his helmet on. Doing individual drills in organized team activities. Putting pads on. Doing tackling drills with a trainer in the Bills' indoor facility. Making thud hits on a teammate. Making full tackles in a 2023 preseason game, as fans went wild with every announcement of his name like he was Michael Jordan. But even through his progress, he was struggling mentally.
"I don't think he knew at that time the heaviness of what that meant," Ira Turner, Hamlin's agent, said, remembering when Hamlin first decided to come back to the game. "Being with his teammates meant a lot. But it took him all of last year to slowly mentally wrap his mind around what happened and to fully recover. It took a full 12-to-14 months to fully get past it."
Hamlin remembers an early argument with his dad, who told him to slow down and that he was rushing his journey.
"He told me I didn't experience what they experienced," Hamlin said.
"I’m a football player at heart. It’s in me to want to compete. Football keeps me closest to God." -- Damar Hamlin
Mario added: "It's not an ACL tear or broken bone. He came back from something that is an anomaly. I can't imagine even going through it. I know he was struggling mentally and emotionally last year, but he didn't speak about it much, so we maybe didn't realize all of what he was going through. We gave him his space to process as a young man. But as parents, we knew."
One tool that helped Hamlin in his mental and emotional recovery was visualization. He has Post-It Notes at home that he writes inspirational quotes on, pulled from books, coaches, teammates -- any useful source. It helps him continue visualizing positive energy and mental health.
"I think about the incident all the time. As much as the world experienced it, it happened to me," Hamlin said. "It allows me to stay connected to the reason why I'm here and my true purpose. To know that I'm blessed and have a second chance to do things right in every aspect of my life. I would never want to disrespect my blessings."
Still, 2023 was a challenge.
"If it was a perfect world and I had my choice, I would have taken a year off to take the mind off of it and reset," Hamlin said. "People touch the stove, realize it's hot and never touch it again. Imagine losing your life and doing the same thing again. I didn't have anybody to help me navigate this journey that had been through it before. I had support but this was something I did by myself. I did the hard stuff last year."
So yes, Hamlin is proud of completing the journey to being named a starter again. He's proud of how he played Sunday against the Arizona Cardinals, his most extensive playing time since the cardiac arrest. He believes he tackled, covered and executed his assignments well. He said there is definitely room to grow, but giving himself grace is a key part of his recovery.
Beane agreed: "He did a good job; he didn't make a 100 on the test, but players rarely do. He didn't have a lot of balls that went his way. He was in the right spot a lot."
Since the moment Hamlin collapsed in Cincinnati, he has felt all eyes on him -- on and off the field. He doesn't naturally love the spotlight, but he's learned to embrace it. The hardest thing for him is to ignore those who question his work ethic.
Some on social media claimed he was gifted a roster spot in 2023. The more extreme comments speculated that he was a clone, or that his cardiac arrest was the result of being vaccinated against COVID-19. The conspiracies got wilder as the days wore on. Hamlin heard them all.
"I see people trolling me on social media, and I'd love to shut them up. But I learned to compartmentalize and use it as motivation," Hamlin told me. "It takes a lot of power not to feed into it. But my purpose is way bigger. I received so much love and prayer in that moment, so for every action is a reaction. The reaction to all the love is hate. You gotta respect the territory and it comes with the blessing."
Beane told me: "He had every reason to walk away from the game. Nobody would have questioned his toughness. I'm not sure what his odds were to make the team last year, but he absolutely wasn't gifted a roster spot."
The Bills were patient with Hamlin as he recovered mentally, but both Beane and McDermott were adamant he earned his role, being one of the top-five safeties on the roster and a special teams contributor.
Hamlin told me NFL players ask him all the time why he came back to play the sport that nearly killed him. His response is simple: "I was raised to be like this. This is what I do best. I'm a football player at heart. It's in me to want to compete. Football keeps me closest to God."
Real-world impact
Hamlin said the accomplishment he's most proud of since his cardiac arrest is that he's in the process of buying a house for his family, a place near the Pittsburgh community he grew up in, where they can still be a resource to people in need. No. 2 is getting laws and mandates passed in schools that make the placement of automated external defibrillators (AEDs) mandatory, so kids can play sports safely.
"I want to make a lasting real-world impact," Hamlin said. "Even before this, I came from nothing. My mom had me at 16. Being the statistic of a teenage mother. That's a journey within itself. My dad made sacrifices within himself that jeopardized his own freedom to help his family get what he wanted them to have. We worked for everything. I worked for everything. So I give from that perspective."
Hamlin's outlet for giving has largely been his Chasing M’s Foundation, which he began when he was in college, wanting to give back in toy drives, as he watched his mother Nina do when he was growing up. In the aftermath of Hamlin's cardiac arrest, more than 250,000 individuals and organizations donated nearly $10 million to his foundation in a global display of support.
The work Hamlin has done putting that money into action through his foundation is immense. Hamlin launched a Chasing M's CPR Tour to teach people the power of saving lives through CPR and AEDs. Through the tour, Chasing M's has provided more than $650,000 worth of AEDs to under-resourced youth sports groups and schools, per foundation communication director Kelley Denny.
Hamlin also held a press conference on Capitol Hill to connect leaders in support of the bipartisan federal Access to AEDs Act, legislation that would award grants to schools to ensure they have access to AEDs. That bill continues to gain support.
"One of his driving goals is to put an AED at every kids' sports field across the country, so when this happens in a small town in Illinois, like where I grew up, that kid has the same chance of survival as he did," Pritts said.
Hamlin created an annual scholarship program for 10 Cincinnati youths in honor of the medical professionals who saved his life, like Pritts and Curry. Chasing M's also invested more than $500,000 to develop community events and programs, per Denny.
"People don't realize how big his heart is," Turner said. "He will give you the shirt off his back."
Man on a mission
Turner said Hamlin is like his "little brother." And just like a big brother, Turner spent much of this spring and summer sending long messages to Hamlin encouraging him to show people who he truly is -- a man on a mission.
On roster cutdown day last month, Turner sent Hamlin him a video of Kobe Bryant's famous "job’s not finished" press conference.
Hamlin is in the final year of his rookie contract. His future as a football player in Buffalo beyond this season is unclear, but he knows he wants to continue playing the game he loves.
"I'm enjoying the process and every moment of this year," Hamlin told me. "Putting the work in and truly diving into the grind. We'll see what's left behind, but I know I'll be happy with the product."
For Mario Hamlin, his son has already won, no matter what comes next. He explained to me that his close-knit family feels bundles of gratitude for the journey of the past two years. He said the love they received from regular people and those in the media is what got them through the dark days, and that it will resonate in their hearts "forever."
The message from the Hamlin family is clear. As you watch Damar Hamlin chase Tyreek Hill and Jaylen Waddle in coverage on Thursday or deliver a hard hit on a running back in the weeks ahead, don't cringe in fear. The lightning strike happened, but he is not afraid to go out in the storm again.
"I'm in the process of making my story history," Hamlin said. "I feel unbreakable."
